D&D with Proud Lion: “Human-Sized Targets”

This is part of the ongoing narrative of our D&D campaign, which is graciously being run by Proud Lion, a fantastic comic shop in Cheltenham. Their RPG Encounters nights are a lot of fun, and give me some entertaining material to work with.

Chapter List

Draconic Happenings in Phlan: Introduction1, 2, 3, 4 | 5, 6 | Level Up (2)

Exploring the Sunless Citadel: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

[Before reading, please be aware that there may be spoilers ahead for the D&D campaign books. Equally, our stories are fluid, so things may not follow the books too directly]



Jester and Knott moved into the tunnel quickest, backed up by Levan and Drenk. Enna started readying her healing incantations, while the dwarven brothers brought up the rear, shielded by Logan. The corridor was narrow, so the group found it difficult to advance without jostling and squeezing together.

Knott reached the opening to the room first, and shook his head when he saw that Jester hadn’t realised that the “human-sized things” were just wooden practice targets. Activity could be seen behind the palisade erected towards the back of the hall, and the occasional arrow would fly down towards their end.

Springing into action, Knott shot down the archery hall with elven grace, diving into cover on his side of the palisade while the goblins were bewildered. Jester followed him in, equal parts embarrassed and angry about the target confusion, standing towards the centre of the room, where he loosed two daggers at the goblins.

One flew high, missing the “goblin-sized thing”, but another found it’s mark, embedding into the side of a goblin. This didn’t seem to slow the goblin, rather it jerked the monsters out of their befuddlement and into cover.

Kalashnikov chose this rather inopportune moment to command Logan to <Advance!>, and the skeleton did just that, pushing past most of the crew and into the target range. He then broadcast to all the group <Dear Logan, fuck up that thing>, causing more consternation amongst the comrades-in-arms as he followed his construct to the range’s entrance.

Meanwhile Burian just whistled and wandered behind the group, unable to push through the press of people, but following them through the corridor. Through gaps in the group he thought he saw his brother get shot with an arrow, but since he wasn’t loudly whinging about it, it couldn’t have hurt that much.

Sensing a companion in danger, Enna slipped into the target room, but only Kalashnikov seemed to be brushing off some minor damage. Instead of healing, she diverted the power she had collected into a sacred flame spell, sending a spout of radiant fire towards the barrier. The goblin who was now pulling Jester’s dagger free was buffeted by the spell, but again it only succeeded in singing the goblin.

Another arrow was loosed from behind the barricade, the stricken goblin firing at the source of his pain, the rogue stood directly in the centre of the hall. Jester wasn’t able to dodge his way out of this shot, and an arrow plunged into his shoulder, leaving him looked very unsteady.

Drenk pounded into the hall now, came up behind the barricade and looked over to see a slightly-burnt goblin looking rather pleased with itself after its shot. He raised his maul high and tried to bring it crashing down on the goblin, but the creature saw him at the last second and dodged his attempt at whack-a-goblin.

At this point, the skeletal warrior now known as Logan walked into the archery hall, and methodically brought out its bow, drew the string back and loosed an arrow, unfortunately missing any of the goblins. The third, and final to Drenk’s eyes, goblin stepped back from the large half-orc, and directed his arrow at Jester, knocking him to the floor, bleeding profusely.

“Are you…not…enter…tained?” Jester got out, before he fainted from the blood loss.


Seeing the rogue fall to the floor, Levan Dawnbreaker ran at a crouch to his side. A quick prayer summoned healing power so that he could lay on hands and stop the rogue from bleeding. Jester’s eyes flickered, opening slightly, before he came back to consciousness fully.

From his prone position, he saw the elven fighter vault over the barricade, then Knott came up swinging at his goblin adversary. Unfortunately, he missed his swipe, but looking around he thought no one had seen him.

The wounded rogue jumped up from prone and, determined that no full-blood elf was going to out stage him, sprinted to the palisade. He somersaulted the obstacle, and a flash of silver described the slash of his rapier before a goblin fell, clutching at the gaping wound in his throat.

Jester winked at Knott, flourishing his rapier then flicking into a dab pose while throwing a knife at another goblin. This particular throw went wide, and Jester’s self-confidence took a major blow from the social damage.

Towards the back of the room, Kalashnikov was engaged in a ranged battle against the one remaining unengaged goblin, with arrows and flickering bolts peppering the air. He finally got the upper hand with a seafoam-blue eldritch blast, blasting the goblin fully in the chest, leaving a gaping hole through the body. While catching his breath, he mentally ordered his automaton <Logan dearest, kill the green ones. Hmmm, those that are not as tall as Drenk, I suppose>.

Finally passing the corner into the room, Burian considered the melee to see one goblin pinned between Jester, Knott and Drenk, directly behind a barricade. Acting quickly, he summoned a thorn whip to grab the goblin, wrapping it tight, and shouted “Get over here!”. He then yanked the trapped goblin past the barricade with his thorns, cracking its head on the wooden boards as it was pulled to Burian.

Apparently, this wasn’t enough to kill the goblin outright, as while the thorny appendage disappeared back into the ground, the wobbly goblin took a swing at Burian, but with its vision swimming it missed entirely. This situation was clearly getting too much for the small creature, and it ran unsteadily towards the door out of the room.

“Stop, or I’m gonna hurt you!” Drenk called out, but the little monster only ran on. Sighing at the necessary move he was to make, the half-orc timed a mighty swing to bring his hammer across in a clotheslining move. Such was his force though, that he completely pulverised the goblin, and several horrifying blood spurts popped out of points on its body.

With no danger of goblins running off, the party sagged and turned to watch Enna patch up Jester, sternly dressing him down about his reckless actions. She imbued his body with a cure wounds spell,  knitting his shoulder back together, while Knott made scathing remarks and recorded several key elements of the battle in a small notebook.

As the rest of the group gathered towards the door out of this area, Burian quickly moved the burlap sack targets into a corner, hoping that Kalashnikov and Jester wouldn’t spy the large numbers of hides hidden in them. Drenk was doing a round-up of the area, clearing bodies to be hidden behind the door, when he noticed a small key and a dwarven-made silver flagon, which appeared to have some decent wine in. This sort of crafted item could probably be sold for fifty gold pieces in the right market, but right now he just enjoyed a swig of the wine.

Meepo followed the group into the corridor, but couldn’t offer any advice on where to go from here, so once healed, Jester tested the door for any traps, and like usual, didn’t find any of note. The door appeared to be locked, so Drenk tried the little key, finding it fit the door perfectly…



Next: 12 

D&D with Proud Lion: “Human-Sized Targets”
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